“The man who goes alone can start today, but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.” – Henry David Thoreau

 

       March 2017 was a month that forever changed my life and that I will never forget. It taught me to be confident, to be trusting, to believe in myself, to be independent, and to be just simply me. I knew that I wanted to do something big (because you know, “Go Big or Go Home”) for my last Spring Break before Graduating but I had no clue what. All i knew was that i don’t want to follow the crowd and go somewhere hot or to the beach, I wanted to go somewhere that most people from Florida have no desire whatsoever to visit especially during Spring Break – Scandinavia. When I asked my friends if they wanted to go with me, I soon realized with each resounding “No" and “Sorry” that if I really wanted to go than I would just be party of one. I couldn’t wait until someone became available to travel with me, if I wanted to go than I had to travel alone. 

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       After managing to convince my parents that I wouldn’t die or get kidnapped while traveling by myself, they encouraged me to go. However, not everyone was as accepting and encouraging as my family. I was shell-shocked at the ignorance that I began to face when I mentioned that I was going by myself – someone even told me I should be worried about the refugees in Sweden, which angered me greatly. I think that was the exact moment where my nerves started to disappear and I wanted to prove everyone wrong. It seemed that everyone had two general expectations or feelings about my travel – 1) a sense of pity because why on Earth would a 20 year old have to travel by herself and 2) the inevitable disaster that would accompany a single women traveling by herself. However just like Roman Payne wrote once, “Never did the world make a queen of a girl who hides in houses and dreams without traveling.” Looking back on my experience, I realized that I learned several life lessons that will stay with me long after my travels

 

What’s Wrong With Becoming Confident?

       When you’re traveling alone especially in a country where you don’t know anyone or speak their language fluently, every problem that you face you face alone. Although this was a little scary at first, the rush of confidence that comes with solving a problem especially one that occurs in a different cultural and social setting is amazing. One of my biggest embarrassments that occurred when traveling was also the experience that gave me a surge of self-assurance lasted not only throughout my trip but I still recall on it to this day whenever I need to remind myself that no problem can remain unsolved.

       On the first day of arriving in Stockholm, I was absolutely exhausted and just wanted to grab my suitcase, take my bus into the city and change into some warmer clothes after I underestimated just how cold it would be when I landed. However, my rush ended up with me grabbing a similar suitcase to my own and traveling the 45 minutes into the city only to realize I had the wrong suitcase all along. Shocked that I was foolish enough to make that mistake, I quickly started to think about my options and analyze their pros and cons. I knew I had to make it back to the airport and I had two options – 1) taking the Flygbussarna again and waste another 45 minutes but save some money or 2) take the express train and get there in 20 minutes but it costs a little more. I decided to take the Express train and after resolving the problem and grabbing my correct suitcase that was leftover, I was humiliated but relieved that I managed to solve this problem by myself.             This made me think that – 1) nothing I face will be worse or more humiliating than this experience and 2) if I can navigate and accomplish this by myself in another country, there’s no problem I can’t sit through and solve.

 

Forget the Schedule and Become Flexible

       Although I had traveled by myself to Europe before, I stayed with a family in one city. This was my first time moving between two country’s and was 100% completely by myself. I decided to make a schedule (and when I mean schedule, I mean I had my plan down to the minute on where I would be and what I would see), however, I quickly forgot that idea and the only schedule I followed was making sure I got to the train station in time. I realized that for me, I wouldn’t have fun nor would I probably see the city if I followed exclusively my plan. If I truly wanted to see Stockholm how the Swedish see it, then I would have to see its nooks and crannies and experience it first hand – the good and the bad. One of my new favorite things to do when I now travel somewhere is get a metro pass and just get off on random stops and walk along the streets and go into random shops. Rather than go to a tourist trap, become a local. The moment I threw out my schedule was a moment of pure liberation and I have no regrets.   

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You’re Never Truly Alone

       Although I was alone, I never felt truly alone because wherever you are, there are always people willing to talk to you and become your friend. The people I met while in Stockholm, Lund, and Copenhagen are people I will remember for the rest of my life because of their kindness. I ended up meeting and talking with this very interesting guy at a restaurant in Stockholm who worked with the refugees in Sweden and help them to become used to Swedish life. We talked for about an hour about the Swedish system and the pros and cons and I learned a lot more than I had previously known. Coming from a country that has made a clear stance that they don’t want refugees, it was amazing to learn about how one of the most accepting nations in the world for refugees help them become adjusted to Swedish culture. In Lund I was fortunate enough to stay with arguably the nicest family I had ever met. Although there were some communication barriers, they were so full of joy and kindness that it made my first time Airbnb experience one I will never forget. They showed me their city where I got to learn more about the University there and talk political differences between Sweden and the United States.

       Finally, Copenhagen was where I truly realized that you can make friends wherever you go. I stayed in a hostel and got to not only meet people from around the world but also people who were solo-traveling like myself and who were around the same age. After breaking the ice over a couple of rounds of beer, there was a group of about 5 of us that became quite close over the course of 3 days. We created a group message to help us meet up and see the city together, played card games around the table at night while it was happy hour, and going out to get food together.

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Becoming Independent, Taking Initiatives, and Discovering Myself 

       Before solo-traveling I liked to think I was independent but in reality I was still dependent on my parents. However, my time alone taught me just how independent I truly am and the benefits of taking initiatives. The common saying, “You have to get comfortable with the uncomfortable” is true. If I didn’t take the first step and buy the plane ticket for just myself, I knew I would regret it all my life. Throughout my time abroad, I began to discover more about myself and just how self-reliant and independent I can truly be. I don’t need anyone to help me figure out problems or decide for me, if I put my mind to something I will accomplish it and I think that’s one of the best gifts you can give yourself. There’s nothing wrong with booming independent and taking risks because even if you think you’ll fall, you have the chance to soar to new levels. I think a life without risks and adventure, isn’t a life truly lived. 

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We Still Have A lot Of Work To Do

       Even in a country with such high gender equality such as Sweden, I was still taken a back when I first landed that it was such a strange sight to see a woman traveling by herself. The Customs Officer seemed more concerned that I wasn’t traveling with anyone nor was I meeting up with anyone when I got into the country than anything else. Rather than question how long I would be there or what my intentions were, he just couldn’t get past the fact that I was traveling by myself. Looking back on not only his reaction but the reaction of my friends and family when they found out that I was solo-traveling, there is a clear stigma around being a young single woman and traveling by yourself. To me it seems that although we are encouraged to be strong and independent, this encouragement seizes to exist when it actually comes time to be strong and independent.

       The most common phrase I heard from other women when I told them that I was going by myself was, “Oh, I could never due that”. The most common phrases I heard from men when I told them that I was going by myself was, “Are you sure? The world is really dangerous. I would feel more comfortable if you were traveling with a male friend.” What both of these phrases have in common is that most people are uncomfortable with the thought of a young single women being brave enough to challenge their presumptions about the world and that there must be something wrong with anyone who wants to travel by themselves. Payne’s quote speaks volumes to me when I hear those phrases, “Never did the world make a queen of a girl who hides in houses and dreams without traveling.” 

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Conclusion 

       Overall, I am not the same person I was after coming back from solo-traveling for 10 days. Although my experience was only physically 10 days, mentally and emotionally I am still receiving their benefits. My experience solo-traveling is one I hope to share and challenge the common stigma that surrounds the idea of there must be something wrong if you’re a young single women traveling by yourself. The benefits of solo-traveling far outweigh any ignorant belief that others may hold. From becoming more confident to becoming more self-aware to finally realizing we still have a lot of work to do, I am proud to say I am not the same person I was before I left. 

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